It's no secret that the world of comedy has used fatties as a punchline of jokes for years, some of them have made a living from it either by the lazy art of hack or just by being a self-loathing fat person themselves, which is really depressing. If you're a true American and freaked out by actually reading a book in a library, you can simply type “fat comedians” in your preferred search engine and get pummeled with names (most of them men). Boy howdy, do we love some fat men! The hilarity of the jiggly, flabby, and rotund beast—entertaining us for decades with their physicality. Adipose gold!
Although this widely accepted cliché works so well for our larger than life male comics, this theme is used to vilify our female comics who already get a ton of shit for “not being funny.” This bullying is pitched as innocent roasting and anyone who stands up to being deliberately ostracized by a comic who is trying to elevate themselves by dispensing the soft serve on others will receive a verbal beating for not being able to take a joke, or better yet--earn the timeless moniker of Fucking Bitch-(a subject dedicated to another article.) Really, people? That's the best you have—Bitch? YAWN. Your dick jokes are amazing, keep up the good work.
The recent commotion of Ari Shaffir vs. Damienne Merlina is not sitting right with me, not because he blathers (and then quickly retracts) about her placement on the annoyance scale, but outs her by name and precedes to fat shame her. I was amazed. This REALLY got by the eyeballs of legal at Comedy Central? I'm confused—other comedians have had to edit their routines for completely insignificant bullshit-(Christian Finnegan calls out a bully, had it dubbed) but good 'ol Ari gets to curl a steamy one on Damienne without any discernible punchline? Who the Hell is he blowing? What Bizarro universe is this? Did I step on a butterfly with my obese foot and undo human civilization?
Damienne then makes herself vulnerable to us all, tapes a response for YouTube, and does what I cannot bring myself to do: she takes the high road. Good for her. I, on the other hand, have no desire to jump on that wagon. I want to show love and mercy in a completely different way. I'm super pissed that this whole event has drawn unneeded publicity for this guy, and Damienne (sending virtual hugs)—you didn't have to offer us any explanation about your life—SHAMING FAT PEOPLE IS WRONG, PERIOD. The clip of you flipping him off would have been sufficient. I'm sick of this kind of bullying and gonna do something about it RIGHT NOW. I'm going to lovingly caress Mr. Shaffir's ball sack with a side-kick of my words because I'm over seeing fat people taken hostage by word diarrhea disguised as humor.
Who knows, there is the ***possibility*** that the whole bit was his psychotic way of coming out of the closet to declare his love of fat chicks. No, no, hear me out: this is the fluff that romcoms are made of! The rowdy office manager goes out of his way to zero in on a particular employee giving her an inexplicable hard time, telling his buddies that she's a beached whale. Before he knows it, he's daydreaming at the board meeting imagining that he is able to worship her every curve. In comes the montage and love song: he is in love with her and just can't bring himself to say it! Because after all as the moldy 'ol joke goes, we fat women and mopeds have something in common--we're fun to ride but please don't let our friends to see us on one. Or God forbid, know that we're hot for them. My theory could be wrong, I'll let readers decide. How many people think Shaffir loves fat women but can't admit it?
As for the answer to the baffling question surrounding this legendary “fat smell” well, Ari you've got it all wrong. That scent you refer to is really the aroma of you being an enormous douchebag. The vinegar is burning my nostrils all the way here in the Midwest. Yep, I intentionally compared you to a feminine hygiene product that ultimately throws off a woman's pH level thereby creating a wicked vaginal infection that can only be treated with a round of antibiotics. You are that spectacular. I would totally take a battery charge for hugging you in the face with my pudgy fist. Perhaps the name of your next special could be “Twat Irritant.”
And To All The Fat comics: never be ashamed of who you are. I challenge you to come up with material that empowers your portly self. I know you've got this.