Now that I am writing again, I've found myself frolicking on the fantastic time-suck known as Twitter. It has turned into a game for me - following a trend, adding my fudgealicious humor, and running with it.
As we all know, the arteries of the internet are clogged with the cholesterol of word vomit, so I knew that I would eventually stumble upon a fat insult attached to a hash tag. I just didn't expect it so soon! Six days into my microblogging adventure, and my tweeting heart skipped a beat. Why was I so surprised? I get inundated with dieting messages everyday, so one would think I would be numb to the endless nagging about the size of my ass. Perhaps because I'm no longer living a life of shame about who I am, the trend caught me off guard.
Certainly, I wasn't going to let it fly.
The idea behind #FattenAMovie is fairly simple: add food items and fat jargon to the title of a movie to reach the hallmark of entertainment. The individual behind it encouraged followers to jump on the good ship fatty fat, and badgered anyone who dared to ignore her/him/them.
My first comment to this person was, “I'm more amused by trending something funny instead of picking on fat people.”
Like a kid only interested in spinning themselves uncontrollably on a playground, the #Fattener paid me no mind at all. Who could blame him/her? The #Fattener was having the time of their life at the expense of fat folk.
I said something again. “There are so many other things to do to a movie that is funny: emo it, shit on it, or add something from the Bible.”
No response. I'll admit it, I was fuming over someone I didn't even know on the interwebs. I might as well lose my cool because the sky is blue. People are going to write ignorant things, one can't avoid it. But damnit, I AM FAT, and it isn't funny. I've worked really hard to accept me as I am. There's the difference between a joke and bullying behavior. People would not hesitate at all to call someone out about a racist joke, right? So how was this different? And just who was this rascal cyber bully pushing me around on the playground?
I realize the world of comedy is composed of a jigsaw puzzle of countries with distorted boundaries. Each place varies, the language and customs possessing its own unique flavor. What kills really depends on one's moral convictions, which can limit the side-splitting experience. People just want to laugh and aren't often thinking about the entire picture. We know taboos exist: racist jokes are a big no-no, so are the subjects of rape, molestation and poking fun of those with disabilities. I doubt if the #Fattener was thinking about how deep that punchline would cut. Perhaps the individual isn't aware of the number of people who have some sort of eating disorder, including me. It is possible that Professor #Fattener has recovered from one themselves and deals with it by spinning yarn about it. And I wouldn't be surprised if the stranger didn't give a flying fuck at all because it was amusing to them. As I've said before, fat jokes are a hack bit. I would rather hear a “Yo Mamma...” joke than any fat joke.
About 10 minutes into the hashtag game, I gave up. These movie titles weren't funny. Pictures were being posted of obese people in an exploitative manner. Instead of letting this ruin my day, I took back my power. I added my own side order of funny-fried-fatty-goodness and participated.
Because I know how to do this better than them. Not necessarily because I'm fat, but because I'm awesome. Some of these attempts to fatten a movie were so unoriginal and weak. I think I saw “The Life of Pie” and “Forest Lump” six or eight times. To technically fatten something, one can't just stop at pie or fry something. The theme seemed to be more driven to #FoodieAMovie. These titles needed more excessive caloric descriptions if they were truly going to be fat. It's a challenge to do this in 140 characters or less, but I was up for the challenge. Some of my contributions include:
- “Crybabybackribs” - (singing in bass) I want my babyback babyback ribs. Chili's Babyback Ribs. BBQ sauce...
- “Halloween Candy: The Binge of Michael Myers” (Red Robin Zombie remake)
- “Silence of The (Deep Fried) Lambchops”. I ate it with ranch fava beans and a milkshake.
- “American Pie: Now Supersized for Just $1 More” Don't forget the a la mode!
- “Mystic Everything Pizza” - Don't forget my fucking bread sticks, bitch.
- “Fatso: The Remake” starring LiLo in a fat suit. Y'know, because there are no fatties in LA and she needs the work.
There were more, but those were the hits. The experience wasn't as fantastic as I thought it would be. I didn't feel icky inside - I just felt like I participated in an unnecessary game of tug-of-war with people who don't really give a shit. And just as quickly as the trend exploded, it evaporated into the ether. I came to the conclusion that the subject of fat hatred is but merely a trend.
“But Ruthie, you are so wrong about this! Fatties have been taunted for centuries! It's never going to stop!” you may be thinking.
Well, you may be right, but ultimately we don't really know that. I've decided that I don't want to waste one more precious moment trying to get people to see my point of view about this. I'd rather share my talents with those who will listen and help those that are stuck in the mire. While social media has been helpful in uniting others, it is not the single catalyst for social change. As I know it, I only have one chance at taking what I've been given and making the most of it. I can turn it into something astonishing or characterless. My time here in this mortal coil is but a hiccup. What seems to be never-ending torture for me is not even a blink to the universe. So while chiding people for their size might never go away, it's as only powerful as I let it be and as YOU allow it to be. Like all fads, the acrimony will die with time, you have to believe me.
So take a moment and please join me in saying to all bullies - cyber and otherwise: “Frankenfurterly, my darling, I don't give a ham.”
Gone With the Wendy's,
Ruthie Fudge landed in Bloomington approximately 15 years ago after an alien spaceship crashed on a Buddhist monastery. Hailing from the planet Gigantitron, she brings the following talents to the WWG table: writing, rebel-rousing, art, and comic relief. When she's not making crop circles with her mind, she is a parent, wife, friend, and teacher for children with disabilities.